Thursday, February 04, 2010

~Heavy heavy day~ Alone versus Lonely~

Got up early in the morning just to be bombarded by unexpected emotional turmoil...

From the start itself, I know we were putting in extra effort. It wasn't asked of us but we insisted on doing it, never expecting a "Thank you" or any other words of appreciation (at least I did it with total consent of the lack of support).

Personally, I know I didn't put in as much as effort as she did. All I did was just choosing and scanning the pictures, at most cropped here and there a bit. But she put in much more effort than necessary and I really give her the credit for having to put in so much time and dedication to the utmost outcome of the whole project. I was amazed by the progress that she managed to make in the past 2-3 days. I wouldn't have been able to produce such results, if I were in her position. I don't dare to take in the credit for what she has done. It's all hers and hers alone.

And now, having coming to the wrapping of the project, we're faced with obstacles, huge ones and these are none other than "people". It wasn't the material resources that we lack; it's the people that we have trouble connecting with. At times, I wished that they weren't so wrapped up in their own world that they turn oblivious to others around them. The project wasn't about them per say in the first place. It was done for the benefit of others too, a memorabilia of the bits and pieces through out the years that they're endured together. All we needed was for them to speak a few words or two, words of encouragement to their fellow colleagues but I suppose they placed far more importance in their ego above everything else. I was disappointed having been turned down once but I got more disappointed when I got smacked the rejection for the second time; whatmore from a person whom I'm closer to. The hurt runs deeper when closer bonds come into the picture. I was drowning in my misery at being given such a negative reaction that I just poured my tears out to the extent that I was struggling for breath. That was how hurt I was! I had the impulse to just vent out, letting that person know that I do not wish to be embroiled in the midst of all the conflict that he was involved in with whoever. I had no part to play in that. All I asked for a short, simple request and all I got was a painful thrust into my heart. Well, it wasn't as serious as I described. He didn't do much but the words to me, were closer to heart and therefore, more hurtful, that's all... I later got an apology call and that brought more tears because I know it wasn't an easy gesture for him. A simple "sorry" was not a simple task for him to say, especially to me. I appreciated that. I then replied him a thank you and letting him know that I was partially at fault for not asking his opinion of the matter (he gave a 2nd call and told me about his frustration of which I didn't know how to respond because I was chocked by tears)...

Having put this aside, I wanted comfort and so I called the person so dear to me to hear a word or two from him, or at least to listen to his voice and I ended having to apologize for disrupting his busy morning. I knew that he was hell busy but it wasn't a call meant to disturb. All I wanted was comfort, that's all..... But no, it just added to my emotional turmoil....

I then came to the realization that no matter how people around me are always there for me, I am nonetheless in a journey all by myself, without anyone to turn to for comfort in moments of need. Such hipocracy in what I preach and yet unable to live up to. Therefore, the question: Am I alone or am I lonely?

An emotional roller-coaster ride indeed....

A whole lot of disappointments in one heck-of-a short morning...

From Year 2009, June to Year 2010, February

It's amazing how I've managed to procrastinate and only update my long-forgotten blog now. I suppose I've gotten to the point where I need to vent something out somewhere and I've decided to come back to my lonely place of solitude. In a way, I'm glad that not many visit my page; or maybe even none now, which makes it even better for me, especially now...

Summarizing a little bit of year 2009, there were many a things that happened, including my beginning of practice during practicum which was all over the place. I hardly knew what to do when I was thrown deep into the pit and was expected to "help" people, instead of drown them along in my almost-untrained-skills. However, I was able to survive the ordeal and have since been practising as I'm doing my internship now. Truthfully, I don't think I've gone a milestone with what I'm doing now. It feels like I haven't done any serious counseling ever since it started; or maybe I have without my realization but I have not conceptualized any case so far. Hmm... Come to think about it, I believe I could have done so with some of my cases and I missed the opportunity. I am currently serving my internship stint in Hospice Klang. It's an NGO which caters to advanced cancer patients, mainly in the provision of pain-management. I'm sort-of their "guinea pig" of beginning the branch of emotional support for patients and family members. It is sesiously not an easy task. I hear referrals almost every single day and death news almost every week. Patients that I've bonded with left very abruptly, way before the time of their expected demise. Well, I suppose that's part and parcel of life - nothing is as predictable as it seems. I did learn a whole lot of medicinal knowledge, apart from brushing my counseling skills. I know the names of medicine and their functions and I also know how to measure BP now! Yay! The doctor and nurse actually seriously recommended me to take up medicine as they see potential in me being a good doctor. Haha... I appreciate their thoughtfulness and it will be a thought at the back of my head for a long long time but I suppose an ideal that I will not fulfil...

I really left out quite a whole chunk of 2009, didn't I? Was just thinking about my long long holiday with Hc. Should've looked at the dates and calculated that "feng shui" before we decided on the holiday. It didn't go as smooth as planned. I fell sick in Singapore and our hotel was way far from the mrt station. Then I was down with ulcers and was complaining all the way, so much so that I could hardly savor anything down my throat in Club Med!!! Then when I got better, Hc was down with food-poisoning in Redang. What a trip!

My birthday and Christmas was quiet as Hc was all the way in Teluk Intan. It's ok. It was part of the deal. Let's hope my "investment" pays back in the end. Haha... It doesn't sound very nice is it when I use the word investment. Well then, let's hope my commitment and devotion is reciprocated...

I had the biggest present from Hc when he got me something really expensive (which covers my birthday, Christmas, our 7th anniversary and Valentine's day). No, it's not an engagement ring. Haha... It's a piece of elecronic item which to me, is very costly though it may not to others. I really appreciate his thoughtfulness. I suppose my feelings are reciprocated after all (not that I'm measuring it with material value haha...).

Crossing my fingers for a smooth sailing year ahead!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Oops...

It's been like forever since I last updated my blog. Really my bad...

As for the girls outing, I really wanna type an entry about it cos it was really a memorable one and I'd like to keep every detail of it but... it's definitely not now that I'm typing it. Can u imagine? The event was almost 2 months ago. How time flies...

Many things had taken place through out the whole May and June. My holidays just passed me by and now I'm doing my practicum along with my Family Therapy subject. Practical training for counseling is seriously overwhelming especially when there are sooooo many hours to clock in. It doesn't seem to be ending but I'm glad that the students' short semester's coming to an end. This week is sort of like my termination week with my students and I won't be seeing them for weeks to come. This is also bad news for me as I won't be able to clock in sufficient hours for me to fulfill my practicum hours. So, for those who are in need of guidance, be it serious issues of daily problems, do contact me. I'll be more than glad to help you. I promise I'll be a good listener as that's what counselors are and I'm training to be one. Am I excited? Do I see myself as a future counselor? I guess I do for now. I don't know how well prepared I am to be a full time listener. It's seriously not easy. It takes a lot of my mental energy and concentration; can be really tiring at times. Try doing 5 sessions in a row, back-to-back in a day. Gosh!

I'm finishing my group hours this week as well. Hurrah!

Also, to add, I'm gonna be going to Singapore this weekend. Will be meeting up with May along the way. Hopefully we'll be able to pair her up with one of the IMU bachelors. Haha...

That's all for now. Typing this entry during my one and only free time... There'll be more time to come, at least that's what I'm hoping for...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

~Back and tired~

I just came back from yesterday's tiny trip with the bunch of gals in KL.

Tired... but it was one hell of a night!

We had tonnes of fun and this is like probably the one and only time that we're gonna have such outing.

Quote: Once in a lifetime experience (S. E. Gan, 2009). Haha...

Will blog about it once I've refreshed myself.

Till then...


Well done, girls!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

~It's finally over... for now~

It is finally over, though it wasn't the most satisfying one.

My spring '09 semester has finally ended. And it ended rather disastrously. Why? Because the paper sucked big time. Note my words - The paper sucked big time, not me... read all the theories in the book (almost all the chapters) and I still couldn't manage to answer the questions. Whatmore, I barely had time to even attempt those that I left out to do later. What the hell is "behavior potential"? Gosh...

Anyway, let bygones be bygones.

I'm looking forward to a fun weekend. Hope it goes well as planned. And as many participants as possible *You should know who I'm talking about*

I can know concentrate on my Pet Society and Restaurant City and pou as many shows as I want on tv and youtube!

Hoorah! Merdeka!

Before doom's day the next semester....

Monday, March 30, 2009

王力宏2008 心.跳 -春雨裡洗過的太陽MV

Another recommendation of Lee Hom's latest hits.

His inspiration for this song came from the realization of stressful lives that people live today. He wanted to compose a song that would make people smile and relax while listening to his song.

Lyrics:

分开之后另一年的春天
记忆也像下雪一样溶解
那些有你在身边的影片
呼的一声飞得老远老远
爱在夏天过完之后锁在秋天
当爱过多年之后的我好了一些
雨后的天上彩虹出现衬出一片蓝天

我在淋过一场大雨之后的晴朗
那是春雨里洗过的太阳
每个冬季带来失落伤得多深
然后忽然看懂云的形状

If you listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain
那是春雨里洗过的太阳
每个冬季带来失落伤得多深
每个呼吸都是新的芬芳

流下的眼泪留下了智慧
爱情会天亮也一定会黑
世界会等我它问我冬天过去没

...春雨里洗过的太阳

Saturday, March 28, 2009

~Not bad, not bad~

Saw this website in Neng's blog and thought I could just give it a try.

Not bad indeed for a personality test with unknown reliability and validity.

I acknowledge, to a certain extent, the accuracy of the information provided in the test:-

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Those who are interested, you can visit the website: Personality test