~Is medicine sufficient?~

I was just wondering. Is seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication enough to cure one from his/ her psychological/ mental/ emotional problems? For instance, for someone who is panicky, does taking anti-anxiety pills actually help him/her entirely? Wouldn't there be underlying causes to why the person is so anxoius in the first place? What if he/ she is stressed out? What if he/she is yet to overcome some previous unfinished business?

This thought actually popped into my mind when I accompanied my mom to the psychiatrist in PJ because she had trouble sleeping and she wanted, I guess, some prescribed sleeping pills to help her. I was presuming that my mom was still undergoing grief process since the death of my uncle a month ago, or perhaps she's too easily affected by the events which are happening around her, that those thoughts replay in her head non-stop to the extent of compromising her sleep.

I'm not keen on medicine especially when it involves the mental/ psychological/ emotional part of lives because medicine can only work thus far, on the biological level. It is unable to aid us in our cognitive processes and emotional functioning. I suggested to the doctor that my mom see a counselor (my mom herself was reluctant) and he told me to put that idea on hold for two weeks, to see if the medication would work on my mom. I was thinking why can't my mom do both simultaneously? I believe counseling would do her good, at least a sharing session, where she is able to get support from a trustworthy and credible person, instead of exposing herself to those anxiety-provoking events in her life and she is left defenseless against them.

What is it with the stigma against counseling or even psychology? It exists for a reason. If it didn't prove its value, it would have evaporated long time ago but it survived, with proof and evidence from tonnes and tonnes of research.

So, people... Open your minds... Stop locking yourselves in that squared box of yours...

Andrew Chen Shi An - Nan Yang Top Ten

His performance in Pin Hwa, towards the end.

~Wrong Guy!~

Yesterday was indeed a memorable day. Not that it was sweet or romantic etc. It turned out that my impulsiveness was fruitful but in the wrong way. Let's see.. I was expecting to fruit durian, instead I got ... some other "didn't really matter" fruit.

This was what happened. Yesterday night, there was the Top 10 concert in Pin Hwa School, Klang for school charity. I wasn't suppose to attend because I had class in KL. I managed to come back at 10.30 and rushed to the school. To my utter confusion of emotions, I managed to catch 1.5 final performance of theirs, meaning half of the second last performer and their last group singing. *That's why the confusion of feelings - whether to be delighted or disappointed*

Anyways, we (the board of directors, organizers, performers etc) went for supper together. It was a usual activity after the concert. And there we were again, in the same restaurant, as the one that I had taken picture with Michael Wong/ Guang Liang few years back. *a picture just to refresh the memory*

Guang Liang is the one in the checkered top and me in the red jacket. This was way back in 2003/2004?

We (my sister and I) were yippy-yapping with the older generations. Duh! Of course we couldn't hang out with the bunch of young singers and dancers because we were there thanks to our dad who's in the committee. We were actually sitting with Mr.Robin and Qing Yong came once in a while to have a drink or two. Mr. Robin and Qing Yong are two famous singers from the previous generation, catering to the older folks who find it hard to appreciate modern music.

After supper, people started standing up and they were preparing to leave. That was when my sis got anxious and she kinda urged to approach them for a picture or two. I seriously reluctant because it would portray how desperate I was but my "id" was pushing the impulsiveness in me. So, just as the first singer approached the door (we were sitting near the door) I stood up and said "Den Yi Xia!" (Wait!) and requested that we take picture. The thing is, I didn't specify with who and I told the assistants that we wanted a group picture. Now... Things were a bit havoc and haywire at that moment because people were standing up and bidding their goodbyes. In order to not waste time, we ended up taking a picture with that guy that I approach, instead of the guy that we really wanted a picture with. It was weird... seriously...

As the singers were walking towards their vehicle, we gave up hope. So, in we went the restaurant. But the singers suddenly walked back towards the restaurant. And it was the restaurant people who were taking group pictures with them outside. We, on the other hand, were "locked" in cos they closed the door. To go or not to go, that was the question. In the end, we decided to stay in due to "face"...

After they were done, my sis urged me to go forward and request a photo with the original guy that we wanted a picture with. Alas, he was gradually walking away, much too far to be reached and we let the opportunity slip...

There was it.. The night of mistaken guy... Haha...

The guy that we originally wanted a picture with - Andrew Tan - Chen Shi An

The guy that we ended up taking picture with - He Zhi Jian

Compare the both of them...

Performers on the stage at the end

~Gestalt Therapy~

Gone were those Sundays of "hanging out" in Starbucks, Gardens to discuss about our presentation on Gestalt. I think it took us almost a whole month to get it done and over with... Week after week, we had to devote our precious weekends to deal with this assignment and when the day finally came, I think we kinda pulled it off 70%. Not really up to our level of expectations, but it should be good enough because the topic itself was hard to explain.

No doubt, we cannot compare ourselves to the almighty lecturer but I think (personal opinion) my group didn't deliver the topic well. It was like as if the class was struggling to understand the concepts that we were trying to convey and there were constant frowns on their faces. The presence of textbooks suddenly became so vital. It felt like as if we needed the help from our lecturer every now and then - we say one sentence, and he needed to add another ten to clarify the theory. Gestalt is seriously not an easy theory to understand. There are tonnes of concepts and "wayward" ideas in it (though they make sense) but it is just very hard to let everyone understand what we were saying. We even had continuous discussions and argument about what a particular word would mean, what more the class which has never been exposed to this theory.

I think what captivated their attention (successful) was the video on Fritz Perls practising on Gloria. It was a classic and a hard obtained video which impressed the lecturer. In addition, the clip was interesting with Perls demonstrating the powerful impact of Gestalt...

However bad we sucked that night, I believe we have all put in our best efforts to make things work. At least, I liked the idea of the orange and it was good recap. The rose would have been more impressive if we could explain the concepts as well as Gerry, but I guess not, since we ourselves didn't even do enough research on "peeling the onion"...

Let bygones be bygones... We are after all, the blinds leading the blinds in this assignment...

~Indecisiveness~

One man's meat is another man's poison.

Some might think that indecisiveness = simple, tolerable, "cincai", compromise etc. (characteristics of someone who gives in to others)

Some might think that indecisiveness = unassertive, easily succumb to pressure, no stand, gullible, even pathetic to a certain extent...

I believe I'm not the only one with the indecisive problem, it's just the intensity level which differs and for me, I would say that I'm almost at the extreme, about 85%?

Probably because I have been brought up to live a "cincai" life that I don't really bother much. Other than that, parents pampering of may have not allowed much opportunity for me to decide on things. From places to dine to fashion, I seriously do not have a strong stand. Or maybe it's only when I'm with Hc that the problem becomes apparent...

My decisions almost always turn out faulty. E.g. Place that I decide to go was at the peak hour of jam, the later air flight time that I booked made us spend extra money, clothes that I decide to buy (without him) aren't very suitable for me (when I thought it was nice at the time of buying).

Well, it's true that I do need to learn to how to make decisions and it is by mistakes of now, that I'll decide better in the future. It's just that... sometimes it really takes a harsh turn and I'll end up all demotivated. It's like whatever I do/ decide just doesn't seem right...

According to the theory of operant conditioning, when the desired behaviour is performed, one is rewarded and when the undesired behaviour is performed, one is punished. How often do we practice this, especially in our critical culture? Feedback/ critics to many = things that are not good ONLY. What happen to the positive events? How are we suppose to keep up desired behaviours when the element to motivate is unavailable? There seems only to be punishment at all times, psychologically and physically.

I suppose it's the same with me. When I decide right, everything may have turned out just fine but there's no support/ encouragement. But when it's wrong, there comes all the bombarding, without fail!

How will I ever overcome my indecisiveness?

~Just the two of us~

Dearest Hc & I went out for a so-called "date" today. Well, to him, it was just another outing with me - movies, food etc. But it kinda felt like a more planned date than any other simple outing. So, after my class in the morning, I rushed back home and spent about 30 minutes thinking what to wear. I had already stored in mind about my clothing but it turned out a disappointment when my beloved Guess halter top went out of shape - most probably due to the way it was hung in the closet with the hanger. 30 minutes and I still couldn't find a suitable top to pair my jeans. I decided (with Hc's help, of course) to wear a dress instead. Just a turning from the MPK hill, I told Hc that I wanted to return home to change. I felt that I had overdressed. Hc dropped many hints that I had indeed overdressed for yet another outing. So, home I was, and in the end, all I wore was just a plain tank top & a pair of jeans. My initial idea was to wear to impress, to somehow prove to Hc that I have improved in my fashion taste but it backfired. I guess I still need a lot of mentoring & experience whenever it involves fashion.. Sigh..

Anyways, we watched the movie "Painted Skin". *spoiler ahead*

Despite Hc trying to convince me that it was a horror movie (which I almost believed), he finally admitted that it was a love story. Intrigued and curious, I had high hopes when the movie started. ... The movie was quite slow at the beginning; quiet, soft and all... The story line was not bad; as mentioned, it involves love. The guy is married and loves his wife very much. Then, he saves a fox devil (hu li jing) and she falls in love with the guy as well etc. In the end, they all lived happily ever after. I must say that Donnie Yen's character was the livelier one. He had a sense of humour and he livened up the movie. Overall, I would rate the movie "B". Not a "to die for" movie, but if you want to watch, by all means, go ahead... For more info, click here.

We enjoyed a luscious meal in Chillis & one very hearty meal, it was. I was too full to even savour the famous molten chocolate cake. I made Hc promise to bring me there again next month just to have their cake.

A nice, sweet day just for the two of us...