New resolution! New perspective!

After much advise & much thought... I've so far come to a new way of adjusting my life.

UOB's reply is gonna come in by coming Wednesday, to confirm whether I get the offer after almost 2 months' waiting & going through tests. In my personal opinion (seriously)... I won't get the offer cos I know how terrible i performed in the interview.
Reason 1: I was a little overconfident that I didn't do my pre-interview homework.
Reason 2: Overconfidence again cos I tot previous interviews may be good enough to prepare me for that interview.
Reason 3: Everyone's definition of easy is different (Not blaming anyone here).
Reason 4: I, myself, am not ready for that position - not ready for high management posts.
Reason 5: I fell for the interviewers' "interrogation". Not that they were mean or strict or anything, they're extremely nice ppl who are thinking from their point of view. So, its natural that the questions they ask make sense. Unfortunately, for me, there was a question or two that hit my most vulnerable points. Questions that even I, couldn't answer myself. What else could it be? My question of studying or working... Whether getting a Masters is something that I want so badly? DUH!! Where am I going to be in 10 yrs time? I know usually in interviews ppl can produce huha answers like I wanna be a big manager by that time etc. But it was very hard for me to portray myself in that way cos I think deep down inside me, I haven't seen that part of myself... It just hasn't crossed my mind do I wanna be in a high post 10 yrs down the road... Very subtle thoughts... The thing is I can't even see myself clearly in these 2-3 yrs time, how am I suppose to see myself in 10 yrs time? That was seriously, to me, an easy yet "poisonous" question... N stg to be told.. Towards the end of the interview in which I intended to thank the interviewers for sharing & letting me see further into the future (very very genuine thank u), I suddenly broke down... I just couldn't hold my self back... Well, according to Hc, the issue has been in my head for quite a while, so wheneva i talk about it, it easily leads on to emotions. So... there it goes... I've shown the interviewers the last thing that I should have... Understand now why i won't get the job?! Hahaha...

I've stayed on a principal for a while now - "If i don't believe in it myself, how am I suppose to persuade others to believe in it too?" But ppl have said that it isn't what I believe in. It is what the consumers or those who need it (e.g. product) to believe in it. It is true. I dont deny that. If not, the market will not prosper today. But even until now, it's very hard for me to accept this believe - the idea that it is what ppl want that matters...

Previous wednesday gave me a knock on the head. Advertising & promotions were discussed to encourage sales of our properties. THen there were profiles of young beautiful, posed-as-models girls who were to be the usherers for the upcoming event. I was like... What? THey use girls in car shows, phones, beers, n now properties?? Is it necessary? I tot it was the product that matters. Then again, the package presentation was important too. It is nonetheless one of the most useful marketing strategies used today. Its what the consumers are looking for, therefore, the usage of girls to promote sales. Not that It's wrong. Again, it's just what the ppl want. It got me into thinking... I've learned about stereotypes, critical thinking etc. N i know, yes, it works. But base on my knowledge, I should be reducing such stereotypes n not reinforcing them! As the new generation, can't we just use other strategies than to use such ideas? What happened to critical thinking? If i were ppl out there, I'd be thinking what has pretty girls got to do with houses? The more sociable they are, the better the houses. I can confirm there is no, ZERO correlation!
I talked to hc about this & he said if thats the way i think, there's hardly anyway that I can stay in the industry. I've spoken to Yi & she agreed that working in a field that goes against our own believes & values will make both, us & the company soar. "If i don believe in the strategy, How am i suppose to convince myself to use it?" I probably sound like a naive girl thrown into the realistic society but what the heck! Sad sad society... I saw a clearer picture to what I don't want... Sales & marketing is fun in the sense that I get to meet a lot of ppl, which suits my personality & what I like. Unless the product etc. is stg I believe in, or not I'm going to have a hard time convincing ppl to buy them...

So what am I to do for now? I scouting for universities to continue my masters. I've considered counseling or early childhood education. I'll have to do research on which university, what are the courses, what can I work as, financial, n part time working. I intend to study full time n work part time in a place that is related to my studies. For now, I've decided to stay in the company till June. After that, I'm a gone person! If I can, I'd rily like to leave now but there are so many events coming up in June n if I leave, my manager will be in deep shit & I pity my new colleague... So... Will stay till end of June.

Speaking about my manager... Gosh! It's a CHALLENGE to work under her. Seriously! There is much to say about her... I don wanna start being bitchy now but the comments are endless hahaha... I will surely talk about it when we see each other again - Klang jimuis etc. Or i might just blog about it discreetly hahah...

Previously, I tot i was trapped! But... No! I allowed myself to be trapped. I was afraid to step out, afraid of what ppl may think of me, afraid of responsibilites n burden... I'm glad that I've stepped out of the shell.. N i hope things will turn out great!

Aja Aja Fighting!

To do what I should or To do what I want?

Hey ppl... Back into blogging after quite a while...

What am I doing besides work, work & work? I've come to realize that work's one of the "boring-est" thing on earth... unless, that's unless, one has found the job of his or her dreams. In my case, sad to say, it is not my dream work. Then, some may say, 90% of the time, ppl end up doing work that has either nothing to do with their course or ppl just end up not doing the work of their dreams, be it the environment, job scope, bosses etc.

Why am I not satisfied?

Come to think about it, my job scope wasn't drawn out specifically. I know Miss Sze Ee has told me to keep an eye on this issue but I didn't understand her meaning well then. I totally get it now. I am suppose to be a Sales & Marketing Exec. Much to my surprise (or may be not), I'm doing 70% admin work now. From typing to photostating to emailing, even to MAKING MILO, I've done them all... Wondering why am I still staying there?

There are few reasons why:
1. If I leave, where am I to go after that? I have not secured myself any road ahead. So I don wanna quit without knowing my direction...

2. I don't wanna be judged as a person who can't withstand the "challenges" outside. I know very well that I can be good at my job, doesn't matter whether I like it or not. I'm a person that aims to excel in the things that I do (not boasting k...)

3. I'm being exposed to a lot of skills & knowlegde. My boss passes down a lot of things for me to, forcing me to learn things that I've never imagined I would know, sometimes beyond my capacity. I get a lot of exposure in my workplace.

Seriously... Deep down inside me... I wanna do something that is related to psychology... I MISS PSYCHOLOGY! Be it child, counseling, industrial, as long as i'm doing something close to psychology, I will have strong passion & enthusiasm towards it!

I wanna continue my studies, my masters but sometimes reality just suck! Financial's a problem... Deciding which Uni to go to is another problem... Deciding what do I wanna specialize in is also a problem...

I've heard comments that I suit sales or marketing or PR but I have yet to see myself flourish in those areas. May be cos I haven't been given such opportunities. At my current working place, there aren't much sales or marketing to do. By the way, I just found out that my job scope focuses on internal marketing (research & database updating) which wasn't what I was looking for in the 1st place. I wanted something outgoing, something exciting, something vibrant... N yet now, where have I landed myself into?

Almost every single time that I've talked to Hc about, almost every single time I'll ended up dropping a tear or two (should be more than that)...

I don't wanna give up... but I don't wanna do something that I don't enjoy doing...

Yesterday, I had a new perspective... I wanted to be the person up there, sharing my experience & motivating ppl through the knowledge & skills of psychology... The word that came into my mind was INFLUENCE... I want to make a difference in people's lives through psychology... The question is HOW?

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*LOST*

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